in the gray.. gray ghost that I call home..

In the last two days I have distributed 150 fliers for the Arlington school.

I have rules for such behavior, thought I broke one of them twice-- once because I wasn't paying attention (I think I thought I was lost..) once because I figured I had already broken the rule, already felt bad about it-- double or nothing.. twist the knife two rotations, keep the transgression fresh, heighten trauma to dissuade any further insubordination. I am unrelenting. I am a maniac. Those are jokes. Mostly.

#1. I am nice to everybody. I say 'hi!' I say 'have a great day!' I say 'I'm just passing out some information on a local school!' Smile!! Smile!!

#2. I am nice to cats. I wiggle my fingers at them, cluck, squeak, say 'kittykitty'. I become ridiculous.

#3. I will not open a closed gate to leave a flier in someones door.

#4. I will not put anything anywhere near a 'no soliciting' sign, though it's an educational facility, technically we aren't soliciting, I dislike leaving that flavor in peoples mouths.

#5. I will not try to pass fliers to people I meet on the street unless they smile at me first.

I broke #4 twice, didn't see the sign the first time, and yeah-- the second time I saw it and just kept moving. There is a black mark on my soul for that one.

I kind of overplayed #2. So much so that I found a fattish black and white affair following me and yowling for a good few houses.

It was really excited that I was nice to it! It made me excited to be nice to it!

We got along *famously*!

.. at volume!!

Then I had to leave.. and it.. kept.. going.

It's probably still there. Wailing.

I don't really like cats. This whole fuzzy meowey interaction is new to me.

Much later:

Today yesterday and tomorrow will be difficult to tell from one another. I've been in bed all day-- only recently got one of my ears unplugged, only recently am able to amble as opposed to stumble around the apartment.

So I can see straight.. mostly.. but I really want a donut.. so I'm clearly not all there.

Went to Advanced Degree last night. Sure did.

Spent most of the time watching, unable to join in-- figured it would be unwise and irresponsible to pick up a weapon and spin around with it, or strike at anyone and be expected to defend myself after spending most of the class in the bathroom, running cold water over my wrists, and trying not to throw up/green out. 'S'not really blacking out-- things didn't turn black.. more greenishyucky: green out. Nod.

Where kung fu is good cure for whiskey hangover.. not good cure for pending viral infection.

Sirnosir.

Lesson learned. It's apparently just as challenging to train smart as it s to train hard. Crap.

Didn't go to Full Instructor Course tonight either-- NI said I could stay in quarantine and just to let him know how I was doing in a few days. I can count on one hand the amount of classes I've missed because I was sick-- I need to take my shoes off to count the ones I *should* have missed because i was sick..

..thems the breaks.. I'm still learning the difference between training smart and training hard-- what the purpose is.. why I would put myself through anything I would expect anyone else to go through. I wouldn't ask a student to push through a class if they were sick like I was. If they were being lazy? Sure. In a heartbeat. But not if they were going to like.. get worse internally because of some rock-head attitude that tells them to make stupid choices.

Ahhh.. boy.. I can't WAIT to sit back and watch the social chaos unfold when facebook integrates their '*best* friend' application.

Man-o-man.. miss-my-man..