I just tried and failed at making rice burgers.
Heres why:
A little while ago I bought 20 pounds of rice.
Heres why:
I've been trying to design and fabricate a durable and inexpensive 'weighted vest' for lack of a better term. I have also kind of failed at that. I came up with the exact design of this thing while on the bus back from New York after a conversation with Mr. F that left me inspired and unreasonably fired-up for the four hour long bus ride. As soon as I got home I measured the thing out and started to cut up some bed sheets in order to later sew and fill with, you guessed it, rice.
This object has now mutated into a sad pile of thick, rice filled, rope-like appendages. The one honest love of my life has decided to affectionately refer to this 'weighted vest' as my 'sock project.'
No socks have been used in this process.
The thing isn't heavy enough, when it's on- probably only like.. 7 pounds or something. Not really what I'm looking for at this juncture. It is, however, just floppy, long and awkward enough to cause a a great fuss when trying to put it on-- which is it's second strike. It's pretty much just a long strip of.. stuff.. with ribbons on either end and connecting two segments. It's meant to be wrapped over and around the shoulders and then around the waist and then retied in some boyscoutish fashion to keep it in place. The design isn't the problem. It was the execution. Mr. F tells me he used a fishing vest and put lead weights in the pockets. I ain't gut no fishin' vest. Or lead weights. Sock project, including the rice, cost me about.. 9 dollars to make. It gets expensive when you consider the amount of time sewing, stuffing, etc.. sock project required.
Which brings me to my failed rice burger attempt, which is cooking, at this moment, on ripped tin foil, because I can't get it together to buy a damned cookie sheet.
They wont stay together, the burgers, and I'm not all that upset about it. They smell ok. The continued adventure of trying to make ones that DO stay together will, I hope, eat up the 13 pounds of rice I have left over from sock project.
I have used bananas as a binding agent before, made some vegan banana bread using this method. I am reluctant to try them in this context. The bread that I made held it's shape for about three seconds once sliced. Beyond that it wasted no time redefining itself as a very small desert.
By the way I'm sure most of you are dying to know what DOESN'T stay together when it comes out of the oven, so I'll just go ahead and tell you: Ripped Tin Foil. Ain't no banana on the planet gonna keep that thing from falling apart. Only half of them hit the floor. Small comfort.
I saw the new Karate Kid movie yesterday. Another letter:
Dear The Kung Fu Camera Man:
There is no need, The Kung Fu Camera Man, to move the camera so fast as to make the viewer sick. No need. Because, you know what? Those cats? Are fast as lightening. In fact it was really annoying, all of the blurring, the weird flipping, the shaky crap. Look, The Kung Fu Camera Man, cut the shiz, yo. If I'm going to watch Jackie Chan beat up a bunch of 12 year olds, it'd better not be all fuzzy.
Also, I thought that Ralph Macchio was far more sympathetic, hopping around the ring, at the end of the movie.
Loosely related to sock project; I did an internet search for some appropriate training t shirts to wear around the school so I don't funk up my uniform, but so I can also come off as respectable enough to sign someone up. I became confused and alarmed when I checked my top right search box and it read "under armor dicks," right there, unashamed.
Le sigh.
On my way to the school yesterday I was almost ended by a cab driver. He was dropping someone off, and I was.. you know.. riding my bike to school, you can see where our interests clashed. He didn't really think it was necessary to signal or anything when he was pulling over, or to give me enough room/time to clear his outside edge and let him go about his business. My right handle bar clipped some parked cars' mirror, thankfully I was going slow enough to not be much affected by this. I made angry Johnny 5 noises at him for a moment while he decided what he was going to do- speed up or stop or whatever. I also left a trail of rubber on the road where he decided to just STOP right in front of me. What a kidder.
My recent facebook activity, I realize has been particularly daffy. Here is more evidence to support that state of mind.
I have adopted a cucumber plant, it lives on my porch with it's adopted friend the squash plant, some chives, and until recently, a jade plant. The cucumber plant has produced two large, lovely cucumbers over the last month, and has, beyond that, decided to use it's energy to take over the balcony. The squash plant has taken to leaning WAY out of it's pot and throwing flowers at the cucumber plant in protest. The jade plant, situated between the two, wasn't doing so well, so I brought it inside away from the conflict. At first I was suspicious of the squash plant, and favored the cucumber who had yielded such fine produce. Now I question my preference. The second cucumber stabbed me (yes.) (stabbed.) and though I used to find it amusing to watch it's vines creep around the porch to follow the sun, the death gip it now has on the railing is nothing short of unsettling.
And of course, there is so much more going on, but none of it so domestic and useless. I will, maybe, tell you sometime.
Until then,
Zhenren.
