For reasons unknown I decided it would be funny if I slipped and accidentally called him "Andrea." Because it would be imperative that I not do such a thing, the possibility of this accident actually occurring increased by at least a thousand fold. I kept quiet, hiding behind a cup of tea on my way by his room.
Anyway..
Zhe Rüelz:
There are several different types of chess players. Some play for love of the game, love of the challenge. Some enjoy the playful snobs, the hungry intellectuals, the elite gamers that often compete over such a heady playing field. There are those who seek affirmation and find the sophisticated arena of chess a noble platform to prove their intellectual worth. It is not uncommon that games of chess end leaving one person feeling just slightly dumber than they had earlier, and the other maybe a touch more smug. If you've played the game you have been the fool or the ass at least once, yet as chess is a haughty game of nobility and deep internal negotiations, one does not always get to 'play' the ass, if you take my meaning. Victors of much less esteemed activities such as tic tac toe or lawn bowling may be seen executing enthusiastic fist pumps and exuberant exclamations of "In yo faaaayyyceee!!" towards their former (LOSER) competitors-- such is not the world of chess. Additionally, people don't often play chess to get wasted. The following is a breakdown of a potential "new" way of looking at the chess board, the chess culture, the chess mind. If you find these results unfavorable, I may suggest reversing the game principle, having the drinking be a 'reward' instead of a 'punishment'. Enjoy.
Pawn: sip
Rook, Knight, Bishop: half shot each
Queen: shot (if your opponent gets a queen from a pawn you must take a shot-- but try try try to remember!!! That means they could lose **2** queens!!)
Check: sip
This set up is to be played with some kind of hard liquor (though if you intend to play more than one game you may want to use beer or wine.. just saying). I recommend vodka for hurt feelings, whiskey for hurt faces, gin for complicated rationalizationzzabouthowyoutotallycouldvehadummmrightthere..swearit.. rum for you'rejuzzzocutewhenyouwin/losecommere*grinswaynosetweakhiccup*.. and tequila leads me to part two of this whole reinvention process, which is strip chess.
This requires that the players are on mostly even clothing grounds. Undershirts are kind of necessary for the foolishness of the event to unfold appropriately.
Pawn: accessories, socks, shoes, hats ties etc..
Rook: per pant leg
Knight: per undershirt sleeve
Bishop: per overshirt sleeve
Queen: underwear (if your opponent gets a queen from a pawn that is instant nudity for you. hoot!)
Check: acts as the pair to the removal of sleeve or pant leg. If there is not an item of clothing that has already been 'started' the act of putting someone in check defaults to accessories.
Things to consider:
Removal of both sleeves/pant legs is the same as losing the clothing item.. duh.
Don't be a jerk and wear all your winter gear to the game.
Don't be a ho and wear pasties and a g-string and consider them 'accessories.'
If someone begins to feel sick (either from over drinking or over nuding..), that isn't fun.
Being an ass keeps others from wanting to pinch yours, chess is a game of the mind.. don't lose your mind.
If mixing the two activities be sure all parties are comfortable with each other-- draw cards to see who plays under what rules? Who is naked and who is drunk? Switch?
Use protection. T'would be a shame to have to limit drinking chess and naked chess to nights when the kids aren't around.
Augment as needed.
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