I don't really like using obvious names/activities in this here blog. I find that those about whom I write generally know who they are- sometimes other people know who the third parties are etc.. I feel comfortable using my ex-dogs name I suppose (Lucy).. she's dead.. and she never learned to read so I'm safe there.. either way..
Dramatis Personae:
1: Able: Is able to behave when he wants to.
2: Noise: Appears to enjoy negative attention.
3: Quiet: Usually fairly quiet, well behaved.
4: Games: Plays games- not the good, fun kind.
5: Normal: Well behaved, follows directions, good.
6: Dinosaur: Dinosaur.
Also: "dots" are things which designate the space any single child is supposed to take up. They stand on them. The world without "dots" is a much darker place. I don't like to think about it.
I'm pretty sure this class started with us reaching up and reaching down and counting to some arbitrary number as we did so. I often use this to see what kind of day it's going to be- if they will all count together, if the counting will involve screaming, weird numbers, or strange noises. Noise does this thing where he will continuously count to the wrong number on purpose requiring us to start over - today is no exception. I make him sit out when he does this, because I know he's trying to be an issue- problem is, today Games picked up on it and did the same thing, to cause problems-- so I made him sit out too, then Quiet chimed in, which was strange cause he's usually pretty well behaved.. Dinosaur got all frigged up because now he's confused about the number.. we started over with everyone together, eventually we got there.
Noise has also begun this game where he yells random stuff during the time reserved for yelling "keeyup." This time I told him to stop in a fun way, reminding him what to yell instead of whatever it is he's been saying.. he kept doing it, I told him to sit down, after a while when he was allowed to stand up he was at it again, I told him to sit out in the waiting room he gave me this hurt-puppy look and didn't move, I gestured with enthusiasm towards the exit of the classroom, he eventually went out there to sit for a while before I brought him back in and asked him if he felt as though he was capable of being a part of the class without disrupting it. This cycle was repeated twice, during which time Games had decided he could do the same thing and blame it on Noise, Dinosaur was doing it because he thought that's what he was supposed to do, Quiet had also begun this practice because apparently today he had decided to reflect bad behavior, Normal hadn't said anything at all, and Able wouldn't touch that stuff with a nine foot pole. Able and Noise are buddies, Able knows what Noise is up to, and knows that I know what he's up to. Able knows better.
Able was not without fault, though as it was Ables job to be the leader in the classroom. Except today he had decided to wave his arms around, make weird faces in the mirror, create random noises, and make my life difficult. I reminded him he was supposed to be setting a good example, and he pulled it together for about three seconds.
Noise declared he must use the bathroom. Dinosaur said he did too. Games said he did too. Quiet said he did too. I had them all sit down on their dots, to quietly consider their breathing and sent Noise to the bathroom. He was over there long enough to turn on the light and open the door before coming back to his place, disrupting the barely-there silence of the room using his mouth and lungs. I looked at him, amazed at his ability to entirely destroy my classroom with his false bathroom claim. I took a few risks. Past experience has told me never to ignore a five year old who says they must use the bathroom, but I ignored Games and Quiet, letting Dinosaur go because, though he is a little odd, he has never asked to go during the class, and I don't think he picks up on enough socials cues to actually intend to be a pain in the ass. Games asks to go to the bathroom almost every class though I remind him to go before each time. Quiet has, at this point, proved to me that he was not thinking for himself so I chose not to believe him.
My hold on the class at this point was tenuous at best. Noise was more or less a constant project and I ended up sending him into the waiting room again while I tried to salvage Games, who was running around doing weird things, not paying attention, or being blatantly defiant. Able was still winding his arms around and bending his back to see his face upside down in the mirrors. So much for that good example. Dinosaur was enthusiastic and random, but mostly on the ball, Normal was doing just fine and I could kiss him for it, Quiet was pointing at Games doing weird stuff, Games was pointing back at Quiet saying that he was the one doing weird things. I glanced out to the waiting room to see that Noises parents have his jacket on and are planning on taking him home. I went out to ask him a final time if he is able to join us, if its alright with his parents that he join us, if he can please please just pull it together for 10 more minutes so we can try to end this thing on an upswing and send everyone home happy and nobody drops.
Noise was in the classroom for approximately one minute before he ran full on into Quiet who began to cry. Short of launching over half of these children into the sun, I could see no real solution to the day. I had them sit back down on their dots and the game was now to stay seated and quiet for one minute, every time I had to give any verbal reminders or corrections we had to start over. Games decided to use this as the perfect time to start laughing as though he just couldn't contain himself- I could tell he was play acting. Noise used this as an excuse to make noise and did the same thing. I sent Games out to stop Noise, Noise eventually got it and was quiet, I invited Games back in to finish the class.
Just for funsies I asked down the line what anyone learned today. I got to Noise and I led him through about how he learned not to run around and not pay attention because he could hurt people, I asked Games what he learned and he didn't say anything, I asked Quiet and he shrugged. I began a small speech that I really felt was getting somewhere, hitting home, salvaging something so I could a at least feel like the day wasn't a complete wash. I would have called it "If you guys don't behave I can't teach you anything and it isn't fun for anyone" had I been able to finish it-- but right then a black uniform came out of the office clapping its hands and giving directions.
Around here is when I totally gave up.
It's getting pretty dry around here these days.
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