Thursday, September 19, 2013

i think it's about. forgiveness.

Thoughts:

There are two lines running together. They twist, turn, dive- near one another within reach.

The lines are people, their movements are time.

I was thinking about the term "letting someone down" and while it's origin probably has nothing to do with my idea, I've been wondering my way through the phrase.

One line is on top of the other, both lines have an opportunity to communicate about direction. If they communicate well, they will continue to run together, even if they don't interact or cross one another. They are still in some way with one another.

That, I think, is the responsible thing to do.

The other possibility is that one line will just drop off, sending the other on it's normal trajectory off into nowhere-land, eventually wondering where the other line went.

That's the confusing part- waking up in the middle of the abyss.

So "letting someone down" is maybe allowing them to know your plans, and gradually you move on. The phrase is kind of gentle, does not imply dropping. When you "let someone down" a cliff you have a rope tied to them and you keep them from hurting themselves on their way.

Though I guess "letting someone down" is also just disappearing.

Cutting the rope.

I don't get it.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

holmes is where the heart is.

Seems like I waited forever for The Grandmaster. It was absolutely worth it. One of, if not THE best movie about Kung Fu I've ever seen. Sensitive, visceral and beautiful, all the best parts of practice.

I wrote this a while ago:

Yesterday I drank a Pumpkinhead and watched the Blair Witch Project. I am clearly ready for summer to be over.

People complain about the hair, the clothes, the drama, and the questionable music, but I happen to think that one of the worst things the 80's brought to us was the music montage.

Primarily because it isn't real.

Doc says I can ride a bike. Well, hot damn!

Today I biked 40 miles, and still managed not to get anywhere. Why 40 miles? Mainly because I couldn't figure out a good enough reason why not. Seemed like a good number.

I've rejoined a health club to do this as my cheery little bicycle has become a hellish wee death trap. They says the "de-railer" is bent (assuming that's a thing that exists and is real in the world, and I most certainly have spelled it wrong) and it would cost more than the value of the bike to fix it (and the brakes.. I know those exist and are real in the world, and probably spelled right). So I'll ride it every now and then until it falls apart underneath me. Wicked.

Additionally:

Foot situation means I can't train so much lately, and as it normally happens when I can't train/do anything for a long time, my sunshine glasses come off and I return to my normal state. This is to optimistically-and-playfully-but-sort-of-honestly-completely-and-hopelessly become disenchanted with everything and everyone, constantly. Seriously.

In this state I only like four things:

• Kung Fu
• British Comedies
• Music
• Puppies

That's it.

So I go to this club and stationary-bike my way back to endorphin high. It's boring. Boring as hell.

As a part of my joining this club, I got a free consultation with a personal trainer. I'd scheduled this meeting in the morning to get it out of the way. However, this particular morning happened to follow an evening of a couple celebratory beverages. These followed a relatively grim victory after a recent foray into trying to be romantically responsible.

Romantic responsibility: complete horseshit, by the way. So it goes.

Anyway, I'm sure I absolutely looked and felt my best for this encounter. Additionally, I have negative interest in this personal trainer stuff and had a rough time being nice at this guy (yes,  GUY at ALL WOMEN's gym.. because PERSONAL TRAINER. gag) because all I want to do is ride the damn bike and listen to.. whatever I end up listening to.

Anyway, we eventually made it through awkward (him) and slightly hostile (me) conversation. Newsflash: I'm a jerk with some pretty fundamentally different opinions on how people should take care of themselves.. but whatever. I tried pretty hard to remain available to his information.

Remember: hung over, disenchanted, no sunshine glasses.

So we talked about what some of my "goals" are, and what he can "help" me with, and moved onto more evaluation stuff, i.e.. me doing things he didn't expect me to be able to do, and him making me feel uncomfortable about doing them. Normally, when people ask me to do physical things, I'm not used to hearing "Oh, that's great! Nice job!!" - I'm more of a fan of stoic information giving than the cheerleading that goes on at these places.

It's the cheerleading that makes me uncomfortable.

Go see The Grandmaster. Go see it. Go go go go go go go go.