None of this makes any sense.

I spoke with Master Shifu about this show I heard about on Oprah where she gets like, someone to train a bunch of women in self defense and then has someone attack them on the street within a certain amount of time of the workshop. Most of the women didn't leave their house in sick anticipation of the attack. I was thinking how awesome it would be to be able to enlist that sort of scenario for a very high level test (in martial arts, duh) because that is, like, the best way to find out of this stuff works, right? He came back with, more or less: "Do you have any idea how much of a liability that would be? I mean,  think about it." Then I thought about it. And, yes. Liability. Sure. Dread Pirate would wreck. Among others.

I guess it's a pretty great sign when you consider much of your student body and realize that they'd annihilate anyone who were to attack them on the street.

Qualifier: If you're a Kung Fu teacher, this is great.

I guess any kind of teacher would do, though.

I went to the beach a while ago and got pretty excellently sunburnt. Seriously. I spent a few weeks applying industrial amount of moisturizer and burn relief lotions, gazing warily at Yellow Face from behind drawn shades. Itching.

Also, when I went to the beach, I found out that I really enjoy the ocean. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out giant waves and getting dragged across the sea bottom. But I'm fine with that, because you never realize how much you love breathing until you can't. People seem too have this idea that they are in control of the universe (I just typed "unoverse".. the same??) but hey, guess what? you're not!!

If I ever were to celebrate the masturbatory fame of a biopic it would be called "Ma Fleur" and would be scored by The Cinematic Orchestra using the record of that name.

Went dancing with Excellent Friend Who I Don't Have A Name For Yet a little bit ago. I, uh, enjoy dancing. I think it's fun and I have a good time doing it. I fucking (excuse me) LOVE music, so.. it's basically the best.

People talk to me when I go out- people who I don't know. This last time, after a bunch of muddled noise and misunderstanding I figured out that this girl was telling me that I was the "most adorable thing she'd ever seen." Instead of asking if she had grown up in a box, I said "Thanks!"

Later, she rubbed her butt on me.

Naturally, if people think I'm above average in anything, particularly looks or charisma,  I think there's something wrong with them. This is something I should have identified with my therapist, yes?

In other news:

When someone really cares about you and you tell them, or even behave in such a way that tells them you don't love them, or don't care about them, they act as though they have been stabbed. Would you ever actually stab someone? No? Okay. Then fucking behave yourself. Because Jesus.


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