Talking: The Final Frontier.

I recently broke down and ordered a cheap mp3 player off the internet. It works fine, but it doesn't speak English so we don't really get along yet. It also doesn't appear to have any kind of brand, though I have come to know it as a "music stick". Unable to contact the maker directly to fix the problem, I found a site which sold the same item and e-mailed their support network to see if they could help me out. They asked me for my order number. I said I didn't have one because I hadn't bought the item from them directly but if they knew how to fix it could they please.. just.. tell.. me.. !!!

They wouldn't.

So I fished around in my mail box and found the site I got the thing from and mailed them my question.

When asked the appropriate key stroke sequence to change the language from Chinese to English I was sent two e-mails. The first one said they didn't have an answer yet but they would get one to me the following day.

How nice.

The second one was a shitty picture of the crap instructions that came with the item as well as this charming note:

Dear Lindsay,

Greeting from (place) support center.

Here is a easy diagrammatize attached at the bottom. Hope it can help you a lot. Any information that you may require, we shall be very pleased to forward to you.

Best regards!
K

My response.. almost:

Hi K,

Thank you for your note.

You see, I already received that very diagram in the package with the mp3 player music stick. You may notice that the layout of the actual keys on the stick and this diagram don't look anything alike, though in spite of this I believe I have figured out the basics of how to navigate the item. However, what I haven't figured out in the last few days is how to read Chinese, which is the language the player is using to communicate large pieces of information to me.

You may recall that this large piece of information was in my first note to you.

The song titles are in English. What it chooses to do with the songs, which order it will play them in, if it will play music at all or even if it decides to play the radio, this is all in Chinese. I have always meant to learn Chinese, though at this time all I can do is say "I don't know how to speak Chinese" and "where is the bathroom?" I can also say the word for "airplane, and "chicken." And I can count to ten. It is a beautiful language, but I can't speak it.

What I am looking for from you is a play by play of how many times I have to hit menu, enter, or next from when I turn it on in order to change the language setting to English.

Thank you,

Lindsay

I had this note fully constructed before I realized it probably wasn't the nicest thing to send. I'm actually kind of a jerk, turns out.

If I cannot pin down a Chinese speaking/reading friend in the next few days I might forward this on to friend-K.

Minus the first few paragraphs.

Maybe.